無題

あのね、あなたに面と向かって伝えないから、ここで書くことにするよ...

ねえ、あたし、あんたのことが好きっぽいんだよね....ダメって分かってても、気持ちってすきにコントロールできないじゃん、もう、分かんなくって...


この前、バカなあたしはまさか自分もあんたに好かれるのかなとうきいきしました、でも、なんか、あたしの感が間違ったかもな...いつもあたしに相談してくるので、頼ってくるので、きっと、あたしがそれを゛好き″と勘違いして...

本当はね、あんたを見てると心がどきどきと、でも見透かされたくなくて、いつもクールで対応してる、でもそれを無関心って思わないでね、本当にどうしようって分からなかったから...

いつもね、少女漫画のヒロインになりたかったの。愛情に包みされて、生活な煩悩や、全部捨てて、ひたすらに愛と時間に任されて、そんな生活っていいんじゃない？

转：如果你深爱着♥某个人

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥你的生命里就会累积一份无法忘怀的记忆
♥只记得他对你的种种好处
♥即使他曾经伤害过你
♥你只会偷偷地一个人哭泣
♥因为你喜欢他本来就是要给他幸福的
♥即使不能让对方得到幸福
♥那么你就不会把自己的悲伤拿出来与他分享
♥宁肯自己一个人受伤后独自舔平伤口

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥你就会记得关于他的每一个细节、爱好、动作、悲伤、喜悦……

♥当他高兴的时候 你会和他一起高兴
♥当他悲伤的时 你恨不得一个人承担悲伤
♥尽管如此
♥你还会在他面前装做很高兴的样子

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥你就会把他的生日当作你的密码
♥表面上似乎只有你一个人能够解开
♥其实 更多的是你为了能够一遇到难题就会马上解决
♥因为只有自己才最了解自己的生日
♥但是 他却不知道
♥比他本人更了解和在乎这个一生中最重要的日子的人是深爱着 他的她

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥你就会学会记日记 不在乎文采 也不计较多少
♥只要感情融入其中就是你最需要的结果
♥表面上你只想把日记记在心中
♥但是其实 你最希望的是他能够看到你日记中记录的
♥关于你对他的关切与更深的无法表达出口的爱
♥希望所有的点滴都能够在他的不经意
♥但是在你的刻意安排下被发现
♥从而了解你不便说出口的秘密和你对他的爱

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥但是如果你们因为种种原因不能够走到一起
♥你就会把你的心上锁
♥不在对以后的任何一个他开放
♥即使你以后还会需要爱，还会和另一个人在一起
♥但是 无法忘记就是无法忘记 没有理由 也不需要理由
♥说了 说明你容易被感动 感情容易外露
♥不说 也不代表忘记 说明你在心里在乎

♥如果你深爱着某人人
♥你总会在某年某月的某一天
♥留下他曾经给你的某个物件
♥值不了多少钱
♥也不需要用金钱衡量
♥你在乎的只是那种赋予在这个物件上的一段感情的记忆
♥看到物件 你就会想起曾经的种种
♥只是到了这时候
♥你所想起的关于他的一切都只是悲伤的往事而已
♥幸好还有这个你在乎的物件能够弥补你心中的所失

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥你一定会永远无法忘记这段感情
♥念念不忘的是你脆弱的外表下有一颗敏感的心
♥明知道已经无法挽回 但是还依依不舍
♥永远不提是你坚强的外表下也有一颗敏感的心
♥明知道已经无法挽回
♥但是为了他以后的幸福
♥即使内心也会时不时的悲伤
♥但是从来不会在他面前表现
♥哪怕是提起
♥坚强 即使内心软弱

♥如果你深爱着某个人
♥那个我深爱的某个人也会一直深爱着你
♥只是很多事情不是缘份两个字就能够说清楚的
♥爱一个人不一定要拥有
♥拥有一个人就一定要好好的爱他
♥如果不幸最终分开了
♥也不要后悔
♥因为你的生命中总有某个人值得你深爱过

♥如果你深爱着某人人
♥就学会勇敢的忘记你深爱的某个人
♥最好的报复就是比你深爱的某个人活得更好
♥这是爱情大师第爱玲的名言
♥尤其是有如果的话 如果以后能够再次相逢的话
♥那么 你们就不枉彼此深爱过
♥然后彼此在祝福中走完属于自己的另一段人生
♥演绎另一段同样更精彩的人生

Slipping away...

Everything is changing in such a short time. The seating arrangement has changed, the time we use to chat has been reduced, and most of all, he has changed. He became such a hyper person all in a sudden and I just couldn't keep up with his pace. Plus now the seating arrangement has changed, I no longer sit beside him and therefore, the probability of us chatting in class is approximately zero. I really felt that it was the god's sign for me to get over him.

In addition, his tweets... it was all about her... He was describing how he missed her... how he wanted their relationship to be normal again... and it was such a horrible feeling to read that. And he is not updating me anything so I will not know about his feelings towards her anymore, but at least I know he will not talk to me anymore... I guess...

Maybe it's true that god really exist and controlling us humans' fate. I guess I must have done something wrong and made Him angry so now he is punishing me by ending my relationship with him. Come to think about it, I did not chat on msn with him for almost a week already... Now, maybe it's the time to say goodbye to my second love...

10 types of Crappy Interview

Hey, I am just being random. But this is kinda beneficial for those going for interview, I guess... Haha... Hmm, actually this post is from a website called "the oatmeal"... http://theoatmeal.com/comics/interviewees  Enjoy!!

 

【转】22个我等你，1个不等你！

1-我等你,因为我忘不了.
2-我等你,因为我喜欢上了你.
3-我等你,因为我满脑子全是你.
4-我等你,因为你让我心痛过.
5-我等你,因为我舍不得放下你.
6-我等你,因为你让我的生活充满了阳光.
7-我等你,因为你是第一个我最想等的人.
8-我等你,因为你需要时间去奋斗.
9-我等你,因为我不想你为难.
10-我等你,因为你的情绪可以左右我.
11-我等你,因为我已经习惯了听你的话.
12-我等你,因为我的心让我去等.
13-我等你,因为我们有约定.
14-我等你,因为我习惯了每晚在被窝里跟你聊天.
15-我等你,因为我从不认为你在耍我.
16-我等你,因为我从没把你跟坏人画等号.
17-我等你,因为只有你值得我去爱.
18-我等你,因为你不想伤害我.
19我等你,因为有我们的回忆.
20-我等你,因为我很傻.
21-我等你,因为我不想逃避我的心.
22-我等你,因为我有等你的权利.

23-----当我不再等你,那是因为我发现你心里根本就没有我！

22/6

It's Tuesday. It's my turn to present my tutorial. I was so nervous but I think I have got the hang of it now. I was super hyper, speaking like my chemistry teacher, Ms. Isabel. Hmm, speaking of her, I met her in the toilet today! Such a coincidence!! But anyways, I really like her teaching even though I didn't do well in the mid semester exam. I felt quite guilty because I think she really gave her heart for teaching. So, after the presentation, the whole class went to CitrusPlus to celebrate one of our classmate's birthday. I was actually hoping to sit near Mr. I and... just look at him. But, he is kinda addicted to dota, so he and his friends went to cybercafe. I wonder whether is that because he is trying to avoid being in the same space as M...

And then during bio class, I saw him laughing while talking to R, an indian classmate of mine. I never see him laughing that happy before. I felt so disappointed at myself. Why can't I make a guy that I like laugh like that?!!! I just do not know where to put my sight at. I was so frustrated but no one even noticed it. 

After that, it was physics class. Since our former Physics teacher has to go on prostate surgery, today we were introduced to a new teacher. She gave us a cd player and asked us to pass it around. When the cd player was passed to him, he put it in between us and he started explaining to me how does the laser detect the information in the cd and stuff. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was teaching. I was so happy and I wanted to shout!! But I have to keep it a secret to my classmates. I know that if I spill it out, everything will go wrong. 

But now, I can feel like something is going wrong already. You see, today during physics class, his phone vibrated. I guess it was a super urgent message that he needed to reply asap. However, he didn't have enough credit to reply. So, he asked me to send him some credit. Apparently, he thought I was a Maxis user. (M is a Maxis user). Then I started thinking. What if the two of them talk to each other again? What if I'm useless to him anymore? What if he...?? I was so confused. I know I shouldn't be so worried about him anymore but I just couldn't control my brain. If everything went back to normal, he won't talk to me like how we did these few months anymore. It's just a torture to me if everything goes normal again. I know I am super selfish, but... please don't leave me alone... Please...

Like vs. Love

I'm back, my dear pinkie blog. I have been thinking for a while, whether do I really like Mr. I or not, or am I just desperate to be in love. I guess, after my "rational" thinking, I really like him, maybe not as much as love, but I am sure that I like him. But, I won't tell him. I will never tell him. Cause I guess, to him, I am just a listener.

I "sneaked" into his blog just now, and read his online journal. Well, I read a part where he said last year there was this girl who told him that she like him, and then he started to miss this girl when he didn't see her, and she is the girl who cheered him up. I remembered that he told me about him and this girl before, and the girl kinda hurt him. Well, I do not look myself as this girl, I don't think I really cheered him up successfully before. But I do enjoy the moment talking to him. I always felt that we are sharing a secret that no one else know but only us. However, reality doesn't go that way. Apparently, it's not our secret anymore and I think I have mentioned about that in my past post. Now, another shocking fact, he shared another secret with another girl in my class, F. He told me once that he thinks F looks like an anime character (Is that suppose to be a compliment to her?) Of course, I wasn't happy when he said that, but now sharing secrets?? My jealousy really has a limit. But what can I do about it? I am not even a public friend to him.

And then I scrolled up his blog. I read his post on February. He was writing about our class and his new friends and classmates. Apparently I was not in his list even though I was just sitting beside him. I can't even make a fake smile when I read that. He  was talking about M, and other active and "not really so active but at least he knew them" members of the class. I guess he doesn't even noticed my presence that time. Hah. I don't even know what am I supposed to think. I guess if he was working well with M, he won't even talk to me at all. It's true. As a matter of fact, a few days ago, he told me that he will give up on M. And then for the upcoming days, I got silence treatment. He no longer talk to me even on msn (which was basically our usual routine for the few weeks). I told Chai Wei about this before, and she told me that maybe Mr. I was just "using" me as his 出气筒. I couldn't believe what she told me that time, but now, I guess maybe she's right. Outsiders are sometimes clearer than the insiders, right?

But I just can't give him up like that. He was just a classmate to me, but now he is... my hope. He is the only reason that I log in to my msn everyday. He is the only reason that I am so excited when I go online. Maybe deep inside my heart, I wanted him to notice my feelings, and maybe I really hope that he could say that he like me, even if it is a dream. But, since the mighty God doesn't seem to love me so much, I guess, after 6 more months, everything will end up as just a dream...