Like vs. Love

I'm back, my dear pinkie blog. I have been thinking for a while, whether do I really like Mr. I or not, or am I just desperate to be in love. I guess, after my "rational" thinking, I really like him, maybe not as much as love, but I am sure that I like him. But, I won't tell him. I will never tell him. Cause I guess, to him, I am just a listener.

I "sneaked" into his blog just now, and read his online journal. Well, I read a part where he said last year there was this girl who told him that she like him, and then he started to miss this girl when he didn't see her, and she is the girl who cheered him up. I remembered that he told me about him and this girl before, and the girl kinda hurt him. Well, I do not look myself as this girl, I don't think I really cheered him up successfully before. But I do enjoy the moment talking to him. I always felt that we are sharing a secret that no one else know but only us. However, reality doesn't go that way. Apparently, it's not our secret anymore and I think I have mentioned about that in my past post. Now, another shocking fact, he shared another secret with another girl in my class, F. He told me once that he thinks F looks like an anime character (Is that suppose to be a compliment to her?) Of course, I wasn't happy when he said that, but now sharing secrets?? My jealousy really has a limit. But what can I do about it? I am not even a public friend to him.

And then I scrolled up his blog. I read his post on February. He was writing about our class and his new friends and classmates. Apparently I was not in his list even though I was just sitting beside him. I can't even make a fake smile when I read that. He  was talking about M, and other active and "not really so active but at least he knew them" members of the class. I guess he doesn't even noticed my presence that time. Hah. I don't even know what am I supposed to think. I guess if he was working well with M, he won't even talk to me at all. It's true. As a matter of fact, a few days ago, he told me that he will give up on M. And then for the upcoming days, I got silence treatment. He no longer talk to me even on msn (which was basically our usual routine for the few weeks). I told Chai Wei about this before, and she told me that maybe Mr. I was just "using" me as his 出气筒. I couldn't believe what she told me that time, but now, I guess maybe she's right. Outsiders are sometimes clearer than the insiders, right?

But I just can't give him up like that. He was just a classmate to me, but now he is... my hope. He is the only reason that I log in to my msn everyday. He is the only reason that I am so excited when I go online. Maybe deep inside my heart, I wanted him to notice my feelings, and maybe I really hope that he could say that he like me, even if it is a dream. But, since the mighty God doesn't seem to love me so much, I guess, after 6 more months, everything will end up as just a dream...